Money Laundering

The things I do. Really, I’ve been money laundering. Not in a Cosa Nostra way though.
What happened was……Astrid watered some flowers on the fire surround, on Saturday, they were really needing binning but maybe we could get one more day out of them. Unfortunately the water overflowed, and the water was old and the water leaked, unbeknown to us onto a book which was sitting below. The book had been hollowed out and contained €295 in €5 notes, a present from Dave, Astrid’s son, for her birthday. The euro notes became soaked with the smelly, and it really was bloody smelly, old plant water.
The whole wad was stuck together with this foul smelling water, the book stank, it’s pages were stuck together already but the whole thing was wet and stinky.
Well, €295 will go a long way to buying an iPad in Mediamarkt when we go to Holland in September and you don’t throw money away do you?
So, I separated the notes one by stinky one, laid them on kitchen roll tissue, sprayed them with fabric freshener on each side, then laid another layer of kitchen roll tissue over them and left them whilst I cleared up some of the debris in the garden, left over by the weekend’s flood. I locked the door of course. Two big sacks of leaves, gravel and litter later, I re-entered the Bank of Deepcar to see how our investment was going on.
I removed the top tissue and they seem to have dried now and the smell is not too prevalent anymore and we are again the owners of 59 crisp €5 notes. Although I’m not sure what the shop assistants in Deventer Mediamarkt might make of them festering in the till all day, letting out this very strange niff each time they open it. Yeah, the things I do.
Oh, the book was called Verspreide Opstellen (it means Dispersed Preparation) by Jan Ligthart published in 1927, the year my Dad was born, and…and…and, one of my stockcar mates in Holland is called Arjan Ligthart. Just sayin’like….






  1. Mick – Astrid’s son is a genius! Talk about serendipity! Today I received about 2 year’s worth of Birthday and Christmas presents from my sister in the form of an antique pendulum scale. I owe her likewise and thought I ought to reciprocate. I discussed it with my wife and we decided to send money in several cards or letters to her address in France, just in case le facteur is bent. Now I’ll find the most boring book in the world (suggestions? any book by G Brown?)and hollow it out. Brilliant.


    • Any French phrase book with “J’avais la plume de ma tante” in it should do or Marcel Aymé’s Le passe-muraille {The Man Who Walked Through Walls}, which I once saw a film version of and what a pile of crap it was.


    • I could do with an Italian suit actually. I’ve got Italian trousers, Dutch shoes, a German umbrella and an Aussie bushman’s hat, so a bit more metropolitanismo wouldn’t go amiss.


  2. That remined me of when my mum washed jeans with my brothers holiday money in, she tried to dry them out uner the grill and burnt them all:)) Anyone being nosey looking through your window would have had a benny lol, good thinking though batman 🙂


    • I “dropped out” of Religious Studies at comprehensive school and did rugby & cricket watching instead 😀 during which time I carved a square hole in my Bible, quite a tome it was as well. I riveted a small metal lock on it in metalwork and wrote BOMB on it and left it on the bridge outside the staff room. I tore the first page out first, it had my name on it.


      • The RI teacher, a Mr Beeley, had massive tabs (ears) and he was known as Wingnut Beeley. Some did Latin and we used it in normal talk, such as cavi (warning short for Caveo Cavi Cautum) and pods (feet) or oris (mouth) and aurus for ears so naturally Mr Beeley was called aurus beeleyus. Or maybe not naturally?


      • STOP IT!!!! Seriously!!!! My sides can’t take any more….hahahahahaha….
        I was tortured with Latin in school, sadly can still gush forth in the damn stuff….Why????? The Romans left eons ago, I’m going to rename all our local native plants! In Viking speak!xxxxx


  3. Sure you never printed them?

    BTW….you know if you soak money in gin or vodka and set light to, the water in the alchohol don’t burn but has enough of an effect to dry the notes to a degree.

    P xx


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