Me owd China

As I sit here admiring my bread made in a bread making machine (Made in China), I hear my phone (Made in China) buzz, (the battery in the phone is also Made in China). It’s Astrid on the phone (Made in Indonesia). The laptop I’m typing this on is a Lenovo (Made in China) using a BCL optical retractable mouse (Made in China). I’ve just flicked on the Breville kettle (Made in China) and shortly I’ll be getting out the massive 4 litre Wilkinson’s stockpot (Made in China) from our LG fridge (Made in China). Ah, the kettle’s boiled and clicked itself off, so I’ll just fill the Ikea cup (Made in Turkey) hey, hold on a bit…..hang fire a sec while I put the heating on for an hour…hey, Worcester/Bosch boiler, made in UK. But you know what my real point is.
If there was a massive downturn in global demand for consumables, there would be not just be millions of Chinese unemployed and with no means of support, but tens of millions, even hundreds of millions. Such has become the dependency of the Chinese on manufacturing jobs in the cities.
My nephew has just returned from China where he was best man at his colleagues wedding. He took photos of things you would not see on TV, the China where the Chinese live and work and eat. He mainly saw the best bits as well because the family he stayed with was one of the more well off Chinese, but he took a video of a housing complex as he travelled along a motorway. The video lasted about 3 minutes and showed (deliberately) blocks of flats alongside the motorway. Each block was about 10 storeys high, each one identical and as far as you could see into the distance to the right were these flats, he filmed for approx 3 miles and the scenery never changed, not once, just these mind numbing identical flats. He said it went on for a further couple of miles and then all of a sudden, countryside.
As I look out of my double glazed windows (Made in Sheffield) over towards the hills and field, with the cows, sheep and horses, through my 1.0 Specsavers red reading glasses (Made in Sheffield) I can’t see sod all because they’re bloody reading glasses. But as I take them off, I know I am, we are, all of us, lucky to live in Britain, as pathetically parochial that it is.
What if, just what if, China decided it wasn’t going to export anything any more, not a sausage (Made in Germany). The world would either come to a standstill or Europe & the US would grudgingly return to full unemployment, apart from the bone idle git up our road who drifts past our house at 11.30 every single day to go to the pub (Made in Britain). Work would kill him, something someone should have done many a moon (Made of green cheese) ago, come to think of it.

Farming, that’s the way to go. Even this cat has a job as a sentinel at the barn, watching over his herd. It saw me coming. So did the tax man come to think of it. Don’t you think the cows have a wonderful hair do? Some women pay £100’s for a perm like that. These cows could easily be ex-Munster & Ireland rugby hooker, Jerry Flannery in another life.



Jerry Flannery



  1. You’re right about China, if they had to cut manufacturing, it would have enormous consequences for them. If we stopped buying their stuff, Britain would grind to a halt: the economy would stagnate, shops would close, unemployment would go through the roof. It would be like that for at least a decade. It’s scary how inter-linked the countries of the world are now.


    • Changed Vhina to China, hope you don’t mind. Yep, we’re so interlinked, some factories, sweat shops in reality, in places like Indonesia and India that are exploited by Nike, Adidas and Puma, would implode overnight if it went tits up.


  2. This post really made me laugh, especially Astrid being made in Indonesia, and the rugby guy with the cow face… do have a way with words and are certainly on form today!!!xxxxx


    • Ha ha, wasn’t thinking of his face. However….! He loves his hair and once he was late for training, so the Irish team made him walk around Paris in a pink leotard carrying a banner that said “My hair is more important than my timekeeping” and shouting it out occasionally as well, to the bemused look of the Parisians. Take a look, it’s funny.

      Also, you know how the refs are mic’d up in rugby, he was close to the ref once against England and had a cuffty with England’s hefty hooker Steve Thompson and was caught on TV shouting “That’s the second f£$%^7g time you fat C&&%. The commentator said no translation was required…I love rugby union. 😀


  3. Ace post!

    All that manufacturing work went over there so that the owners of the firms could make even more money, and now they have trillions stashed away doing nothing, that they could use to fix the planet, if they had the imagination to do anything with it, instead of sitting on it.


  4. Who do you script write for, Mick?

    I saw a number of miles of concrete blocks on the Asian side of Istanbul. You didn’t have to go far to see the human battery housing.


    • There was once a blogger called Pompey Caulkhead, now he was a scriptwriter supreme, some of his ramblings were brilliant, he could cobble together random strings which would seamlessly blend into a final crescendo of logic.
      After WW2 there were 78,000 homes destroyed or badly damaged in Sheffield and after the people had been housed in prefabs for a while, up went the largest council estate in Europe at the time, called Sheffield 5, comprising several named areas: Longley, Parson Cross, Southey Green, Shiregreen, Shirecliffe and more. You can drive through them all in 15 minutes and none of the houses were more than two storeys and there were many different styles ranging from 2 bedroom to 5 bedroom, terraces to semis. Each had a garden but a lot of the people came from back to back terraces and didn’t know what to do with a garden and some became jungles. It was superceded by a larger estate, 5 times the size in Warsaw.


    • He had to pack in due to a bad back injury but he was one of the world’s best hookers. He was doing an on pitch interview on Saturday v Fiji in Limerick and his hair is even longer nowadays, he looks like Brian Jones did of the Stones. Or Lulu.


    • You could fill your house full of stuff from antique shops but in many cases it just wouldn’t be functional. We have some old stuff, some anthroposophic, some organic stuff but we’ve managed to fit them in alongside some Ikea and John Lewis furniture.
      As for the electrical stuff….pffft, China rules.


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