Britain’s Drivers

What about Britain’s drivers? Well, the bottom line is, Britain’s drivers are crap. 

I’ve got into the habit of posting a photo each time I blog. It brings a bit of colour to the whole thing. 

Sometimes though, it is a photo for photos sake. Today’s is one of them.

Today I have been to our parochial James Herriotesque surgery for a blood test to see if I’m diabetic, the initial test showed I was borderline, so I’ve had a fasting test which involved not eating or drinking from 8pm last night, have a phial of blood taken then drinking this gooey glucose stuff then have another phial taken 2 hours later. It’s to see how the body deals with sugar, whether it’s dealing with it right or not. 

I’ve never been a big sugar eater, never liked buns or cakes. I like chocolate. A lot. Dark chocolate. I never knew whether it was useful as an antihistamine or a pseudo placebo but when I had hayfever as a kid, when it was at it’s worst, I craved a bar of Bournville dark chocolate. And it worked.

I never ate cakes though. When I had my photo taken as a child, I refused to smile but then my Mum would say “choc, choc” and I would smile, the photographer had to be on the ball…”flash, click” sorted. Beautiful photo of a blue eyed, blond haired little mardy arse. Me! They had to give me choc choc or I wouldn’t do it again would I? Cats and kids are quick learners, once bitten, twice shy as well. 

Anyway, back to the surgery, the parking garage under it is miniscule. Like most supermarkets, they must have measured the width of each bay by getting a tape measure, a Reliant Robin, deducting 10% and dividing by 3 before painting white lined parking bays a skateboard would struggle to fit into. There was an old lady in a Nissan Almera in a right pickle this morning. I honestly don’t know what she was doing. She had the wrong lock on, wrong angle, revving it to buggery and no doubt destroying the clutch lining and typically for a bad parker, she was looking at all the wrong things when reversing. 

I had a bad day yesterday with drivers as well. I didn’t know it was National No Indicating Day. Neither did I know it was “Lets Drive 25 mph on a Winding 60 mph Road with no Overtaking Opportunities Day” either. I was third in line and there was a snake of irate, spitting, vitriolic, cursing drivers, including a bus and two artics in the line behind me for the whole 5 miles. The irony was, when we cleared the 60 limit, we entered a 30 limit and the driver, a grey haired old bloke, speeded up to well over 30 mph just as we approached the customary mobile speed camera van on the brow of the hill. I presume he was used to driving old bangers in the 50s where you had to get your speed up to get up hills.

I hate coppers in mobile speed camera vans. It’s a job for disabled people not fit coppers who could be chasing burglars through people’s gardens, blowing whistles and stuff. I really do hate ’em with a vengeance. I got nicked by the lazy bastards once and went on a speed awareness course. On my way home, the gits were there again, so I slowed right down to less than 20 mph and smiled at them as I went past. I didn’t want to taunt them with an opportunist V sign, they’d have nicked me for taking my hand off the wheel probably. A young lass in a Corsa, obviously pissed off at this long haired smiling git in front of her doing 20 mph, shot past me easily doing 40 mph. I reckon she got 3 points and £85 fine. 

People’s parking leaves a lot to desire. I reckon 50% of British drivers can’t park straight between two white lines even driving in forwards. Don’t even begin to think about reversing. As for parallel parking, how long have you got? There are not enough minutes on a watch face. Then there are 4 x 4s, Mums with kids in huge people carriers and finally, obese pigs in black Land Rover Discoveries that apparently are allowed to park sideways in disabled bays without displaying a badge to prove that their gross obesity is infact their disability. Gits.  

Just a small thing to leave you with: in the film The Heroes of Telemark, when the ship with the heavy water on sinks, Kirk Douglas gets all the children and passengers to take to the lifeboats. Bear in mind this is supposed to be 1943, as the camera pans out to show the lifeboats, you can clearly see the down draught from the filming helicopter rotor blades. Not as bad a The Railway Children though, supposedly in Victorian Yorkshire, in one shot you can see a car park full of Cortinas and Vauxhalls in the background in the station car park. 

Here is a section of Sheffield’s roads that will never wear away but the rubbish they’ve covered it with several times just keeps wearing away. It looks like a huge footprint.


And just incase you didn’t know, the Dutch are Europe’s tallest people

dev (2)







  1. Well, Mick I would think you have been driving over here from what you have descrbed. The only think left off is the cops on lazy patrol have to meet a ticket quota at the end of month so they are very much sitting there waiting to get all they need the last three days of each month. Just saying Wave as you go by


    • The cops here insist speed cameras are not cash cows, then you can read how £125 million was raised from drivers driving in bus lanes and stopping in the yellow hatching at junctions alone. There is a despicable company called Excel Parking Services whose job it is to sift through hundreds of photos & videos looking for transgressions. Sheffield City council hire them. They also say they don’t use them as a cash cow, but last year raised £84million, there again, councillors are not in the know, they just spout party mantra.


      • Everything they do is a money maker or they wonldnt do it. That is also why we have so many jails and prisons over here. It is the saying Money talks and bulls– walks


  2. Mick,

    What can I say about people driving at the wrong side of the road all the time? 😉

    Driving shows a lot about the mentatity of people. I learned driving in Indonesia (also diving on the left). Normally you would think the Indonesians are the friendliest of all people in the world, alway smiling! You see their real nature when you watch their argessive driving.



  3. Always remember a cowboy film with a rider with a red shirt turning to blue during a short ride. Drivers are crap down here too, just asian visitors being worse. So you may be a chocolate diabetic too? Some people are in that grey area of not being fully diabetic. Change in diet will help.


    • Ha ha, there was also the famous scene in Ben Hur, Tony Curtis in his chariot race, whipping his horses and a red Ferrari appeared superimposed in the background. I probably need a change of diet anyway. I eat mainly healthy stuff but like chocolate and horror of horrors, eat crispy chicken wings. LOL


  4. The Dutch have breadth to add to the height.

    Do you feel better after your rant? I do hope so.

    When will you know the outcome of the medical tests? Like you, I’m a dark choc fan, occasionally I’ll eat a slice of fruit loaf, but icing etc, doughnuts, no thanks.


    • I’ll know in 2 weeks.
      You are right about the Dutch & breadth, they are following the UK’s lead after America’s pioneering, in depth research into how many burgers, pizzas and chocolate biscuits you can eat before you can’t get into the seats in economy class.


  5. hope everything goes ok with the test mate. Dont even get me started on drivers its not just the old ones its the kids that have passed their tests somehow without learning that you arent supposed to be texting or doing your nails while driving! I know that sounds funny but I was nearly in a crash once because some silly cow was actually looking at her phone texting rather than concentrating on the road!!!


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