Showtime

Every year we get roped in to help at Penistone Show, every year we say never again.
Well, it’s £9 to get in and our shift was 9 til 11. the remit was filling plastic bags with 2 sweets, a copy of the newspaper, a pen and a couple of advertising leaflets. Then we had to hand them out to people. Bloody boring.

At 11pm, the cavalry arrived and we had a wander around the show. It’s one of the biggest around. It’s basically an agricultural show but also a good platform for the likes of our paper to strut it’s stuff. There’s various tents with huge marrows, pretty cakes, bizarre art and myriad animals.

The cattle tents are hugely popular with us living in a farming area. We liked the cows. This one had a huge arse. I’m not an expert on cows but I know Belgian Blues have huge arses. This one was pampered to the extent that it’s handler was actually, and get this, he was actually polishing it’s arse ring. He lifted it’s tail up and washed it’s arse until it was shiny pink. I kid thee not.

arse

I googled “huge arsed cows” and it came up with Emile Heskey and Kim Kasdashian. Hmmm. I’ve got to say though, this cow’s arse reminded me of the last time I visited Rotherham.

The greyhound is what I aspire to. He or she has paid her dues and is now hopefully, and it sure looked like it, living the life of Reilly. Greyhounds are such good looking dogs. I like whippets as well, they are the e-Type Jag of dogs, but my favourite dog is the Bedlington terrier. I don’t know why. Perhaps I feel sorry for them for looking like a poodle but having a nose like an English bull terrier. Each to their own eh?

retired

The bike, what can I say? I had to change the hue of the bloke’s coat in the background, it was dayglo yellow. I hate fluorescent jackets, I really do. I see people driving with them on in their cars. They wear fluorescent gilets for their work and leave them on over their clothes. WHY? Anyway, the bike was surreal, reminded me of the film The Fastest Indian, especially the name. Speed Demon. Hahaha.

speeddemon

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6 comments

  1. Penistone was a beautiful place when I visited a few times many years ago. There was quite a useful vet service there too.

    I get to quite a lot of agricultural shows, big and small, where you will see much pampering and polishing of cattle of all sorts for making an impression in the show ring. It’s a show norm. I can’t say I have seen cows or bulls with slim line bums, unless you compare big grown cattle with calves. But then, it’s all relative. As you know,they all vary according to breed and the cows require their proportions- like any other mammal – to be able to bear and give birth to their not so tiny off-spring.

    A Beltie bearing a Charolais or Belgian Blue calf would be in the same risk class as a Jack Russell Terrier successfully mating with a Rotweiler.

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  2. Great fun…by the look and sound of your post….Your new job comes in handy;)
    :)) Intrigued by what drew your attention….’Cows’….or part of the Belgian Blue. 😉 Good to hear from you Mick!

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  3. The bike is amazing! That cow has a hell of a life of someone is shining its ring!! Love greyhounds, beautiful dogs and it looks like quite an interesting show but I love agricultural shows, there are usually arts and crafts at ours

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